Victim Blaming
Posted: October 16, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentI don’t even know if I can write this post because it makes me SO ANGRY. Like, really, fuck off, fucking angry. Like, in most debates or whatever, if someone I don’t agree with makes a good point, I can generally back down and concede that. NOT WITH THIS. NO ONE WHO DOESN’T AGREE WITH ME MAKES A GOOD ENOUGH POINT FOR ME TO WANT TO CALM DOWN.
I’m actually too worked up to make this coherent so here’s a list of things people say that are wrong:
- SlutWalk is sending the wrong message.
The only reason, the only reason SlutWalk sends the ‘wrong message’ is because people who say shit like this refuse to actually look into it and work out what it’s all about.
- I understand why people get upset, but it’s an overreaction. The cop just phrased it badly, he was right.
No. No. NO. NO. That’s so not true, I don’t even know where to begin. How can you overreact to victim blaming? How can saying, ‘if you dress the way we tell you too, you won’t get raped’ be even slightly true? Ignoring that everyone should be allowed to walk around wearing what they want without being horrifically attacked, rape will most often have nothing to do with clothes, it’s generally about dominance, control and most victims are attacked by SOMEONE THEY KNOW.
- ‘Blah, blah, blah. Random statistic that’s not true.’
OH MY GOD, DO SOME FUCKING RESEARCH, PLEASE. PLEASE. I LEARNT ENOUGH IN ONE LESSON OF YEAR 11 LEGAL STUDIES TO KNOW THAT THAT ISN’T RIGHT.
This is the main thing: it is not my job to educate you on this. It’s your job to work out what’s going down and what’s going down is that victim blaming is never ever ever ever ok. I’m too tired of trying to stress this.
one simple thing that people forget about eating disorders
Posted: July 10, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: eating disorders, pointless, rage 2 Commentsthe incapacitating, numbing pain that they cause.
another common misconception that i’d like to debunk
Posted: May 18, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: body policing, eating disorders, media standards, rant, society, teens Leave a commentI AM GETTING SICK OF SAYING THIS. EATING DISORDERS ARE NOT JUST ABOUT STUPID GIRLS WHO THINK THEY’RE FAT. Now, this is a more understandable misconception than most, it still makes me pretty mad. It boils down to that fact that it is trivialising a torturous and life-threatening illness just like the majority of other eating-disorder fallacies. The thing about how only ‘girls who are shallow and stupid’ get eating disorders that makes it so great is how it belittles and ignores a whole bunch of people, not just the girls with EDs.
However, I’m not going to be quite as angry and sweary as I would usually be. This stereotype comes out of lots of things that aren’t really the fault of the people I know spouting it.
Firstly, there is little to no education on mental illness during school. I think I vaguely remember watching one ’80s movie about bulimia that was uninformative at best and triggering at worst. Other than that you get the ridiculous tabloid education that seems to teach ‘DYING FOR A DIET’ and ‘HERE, HAVE THIS YO-YO DIET’ side by side, both of which are ridiculous.
Secondly, the majority of people with eating disorders are white, middle-class females between the ages of 15-17.
Lastly, eating disorders are a complicated emotional rollarcoaster. When people get to the point when they’re ‘willingly’ (for lack of a better word) starving, bingeing, purging or whatever then it gets really difficult to describe how it is they’re actually feeling. I hate myself / I want to eat / I can’t eat / I can’t stop eating / Why do I bother? / I can’t face the mirror / I can’t face the scales / I feel: worthless-anxious-tired-nothing can be really, really difficult to explain. If you’re overweight, you should be losing weight anyway. If you’re a healthy weight there can’t possibly be anything wrong with you. If you’re underweight you should just eat a hamburger. Having no way to explain the way you’re feeling makes ‘I do it because I’m fat and want to be thin’ seem like a really, really easy answer.
Why? You want to know why? Step into a tanning booth and fry yourself for two or three days. After your skin bubbles and peels off, roll in coarse salt, then pull on long underwear woven from spun glass and razor wire. Over that goes your regular clothes, as long as they are tight. Smoke gunpowder and go to school to jump through hoops, sit up and beg, and roll over on command. Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and bitch and whore and worst of all “a disappointment.” Puke and starve and cut and drink because you don’t want to feel any of this. Puke and starve and cut and drink because you need an anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then it’s too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can’t stop. Look in a mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everysinglething is wrong with you. “Why?” is the wrong question. Ask, “Why not?” - Wintergirls, Laurie Halse Anderson.
Now to why I get a little irate when people say shit like this. It’s fairly simple.
If eating disorders were just about being thin then don’t you think people would stop hurting their insides once they were thin? That seems like the logical conclusion to come to. It’s just, it’s just not true. There is so much depth to eating disorders. Eventually, the illness will probably eat away at your brain and maybe you’ll never notice that it was never really about weight but it is really not about weight. It’s about control, it’s about self-hatred, it’s addictive and destructive. Everyone feels it differently but it’s a coping mechanism, not an extreme diet.
It makes it seem like everyone with an eating disorder is a stupid little girl. Whoops, totally wrong. Statistically speaking, anorectics in particular are over-achievers. They’re your doctors, lawyers, straight A students. Smart people get sick too, and their logic and their intelligence doesn’t do shit to keep an eating disorder at bay.
Also, it wipes out all the men, boys and trans* people who suffer eating disorders. While the majority of people with EDs are women, it’s also prevalent in trans* people and there are men and boys who suffer as well. It’s hard enough to be sick, to hate yourself and your body without being ignored or, often, ridiculed because of this horrible thing that’s living inside your head and making you hurt yourself.
So, to sum things up here: eating disorders are more than a fad, they are more than insecure girls. Don’t make the mistake of thinking an eating disorder is something that will pass or something that only stupidlittlegirls get. Otherwise, I’ll punch you.
‘But guys prefer curvy girls anyway.’
Posted: March 22, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: beauty, cissexism, media standards Leave a comment
This is Candice Huffine. She's a 'plus size' model and she is beautiful and sexy and healthy. Judging her doesn't make you any less of an ass.
Okay, so here’s some cissexist, male-privileged, body policing-induced rage for you. A lot of girls have really dreadful self-esteem – in fact, statisically speaking, pretty much all of us do. That pisses me off on it’s own because of society and the media and all the bullshit that gets lumped onto us our entire life is all disgusting and it’s enough, ok, it just is. The real kicker of this, is that what actually pisses me off more than the fact that we all hate ourselves because we’re told to, is the reactions of most of the cisguys that I’ve talked to about it. Because it annoys me so much and I could rant and rage for a million years over these things, I’ve decided to cut them up into neat little catagories, even though most of them overlap and there’s a lot more to it than this.
HERE ARE THE TWO THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF MOST:
1. Curvy girls are more attractive/womanly bodies are hotter/skinny girls aren’t hot.
2. I wish girls would just stop hating on themselves. Confidence is the hottest thing in a girl.
HERE ARE THE CATAGORIES AND REASONS FOR SAID PISSED-OFFNESS:
This is Simona Andrejic, she's a model. Is she too thin? Oh, that's right, it's none of your fucking business and it's not up to you decide.
Cissexism:
Please define a ‘womanly’ body for me. Actually, don’t. Because if you’re stupid enough to be spouting this shit, than I don’t really want to hear the idiotic rationale that you’ve got for this statment. I’d have to say that I believe that anyone who identifies as a woman has a ‘womanly’ body. Sorry about that. I don’t see how you have any right to tell me what a womanly body is or is not. You’re just adding to ridiculous gender stereotypes and impossible standards. This idea of a ‘womanly’ body usually comes down to thighs, big hips, a small waist and big tits. Now, there’s nothing wrong with having a body like that but it’s not the be all and end all of female attractiveness. If you’re a woman (whether cis or trans) and you’re beautiful (which you are) then you have an attractive and womanly body. That’s all there is to it in my head, and hearing anything else pretty much makes me see red.
Male privilege:
Okay, let me preface this by saying that I know guys get shit from the media as well, but it just isn’t up to the same standard as it is for girls. It’s not. I don’t care what you have to say about this, it won’t change my mind because you’re wrong if you think guys have as much pressure as girls do.
Cismen do not have any right to comment on the insecurites of women that stem from the media’s pressure and standards. They just can’t possibly understand what it’s like to have these conflicting and unattainable pressures and images always being pushed upon you. On one hand, you’ve got the ‘curvy’ and ‘womanly’ bodies with the tits and the ass and the teeny waist and on the other hand you’ve got the tall, lanky, thin women and you’re being told to be both of these. If you’re not, then you’re just average and that’s not good enough. It’s impossible. And hearing things like ‘you should love yourself the way you are’ is not going to change that everyone else is telling you that you need to be more or less than you are. To top it off, if you are one of the two, people are still telling you to be the other. Skinny girls can’t be beautiful because they’re not ‘womanly’ enough and bigger girls can’t be beautiful because they’re either ‘fat’ or ‘sluts’. Getting shit from guys for not being able to separate who you are from what you’re told be does not help the situation at all. Shut up.
The other thing when it comes to guys complaining about girls complaining about their bodies is that every ‘nice guy’ thing they have to say is both annoying and selfish. I’m sorry but I don’t care what you have to say about your preferences. How I feel about my body has nothing to do with what you like in a girl. My self-esteem is self-esteem, not what-guys-think-about-my-body-esteem. Stop thinking the things I think about myself have anything to do with you.
Body policing:
This is what it all boils down to really. In case you’re unaware, body policing is judging someone on or criticizing them for their bodies. It sounds simple, sounds like something we shouldn’t do, but we do. Most, if not all, of the people I know are body-policers. I can’t say I’ve never done it, but I do try to stop myself whenever I notice I’m doing it. Body policing is saying things like ‘I don’t like models because they’re too skinny’ or ‘she’s fat, it’s just unhealthy’. This is where confidence comes in. How can you possibly tell us to be confident when you walk down the street and say things like this? You can’t be confident when everyone is telling you that your body not only defines who you are but that it’s unhealthy and just plain wrong. You cannot make someone love themself and judging them, getting mad at them and telling them how they should feel in the face of the shit they get lumped on them isn’t going to change the problem, just exacerbate it.
This is Brody Dalle. She's a babe and I'm pretty much only adding this in because I'm listening to the Distillers and I feel like it.
Maybe this goes without saying, but here is something that I hate:
Posted: March 7, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bands, Nickelback, rage Leave a commentNickelback.
Do I really need to add to that?
‘Oh yeah, I was bulimic once.’
Posted: March 3, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: eating disorders 2 CommentsHold on… what? You were bulimic once? Ok, I get it, so you were bulimic, and you recovered – right? RIGHT? Oh god, please let that be it, because otherwise I’m going to burst a blood vessel raging at you. I need to clear some things up regarding mental illness, particularly when it comes to eating disorders. People have so many weird ideas and misconceptions about eating disorders that this will probably be a running theme through this blog. For today, I’m going with the ‘DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT? I KNOW YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO BE NICE BUT YOU’RE MAKING ME WANT TO BINGE AND PURGE YOU.’
Please, pretty please, don’t try and bond with me by telling me you were bulimic once. I’ve had more than one person say this to me and I’m usually so repulsed and shocked that I can’t actually reply at all. Okay, look, trying or succeeding with making yourself vomit after eating does not make you bulimic. Sorry, no, it doesn’t. I mean, if you do then something is probably up and I’m not trying to trivialise your emotions or your coping methods or whatever, but you’re wrong. You. Are. Not. Bulimic. Vomiting once doesn’t make you have an eating disorder. It doesn’t work like that. You’re not bulimic in the same way that a fish is not Tiger Woods. Your way of trying to feel the pain of bulimics is actually trivialising their own disorders and making you look uneducated and insensitive.
THESE ARE THINGS I FEEL I MUST CLEAR UP IN THIS REGARD:
1. Bulimia Nervosa is characterised and diagnosed by recurrent bingeing and purging.
2. Bingeing does not equal overeating. A binge is eating more food than is normal in a shorter time span.
3. Purging does not equal vomiting.
4. YOU DO NOT TRY A MENTAL ILLNESS.
This is the most important point to me. Eating disorders are mental illnesses but don’t get treated as such by the majority of people. See, this is not about dieting*, this is not about society* and this is not about that one guy who called you fat* once. I can’t remember the last time someone told me they’d, y’know, dabbled in schizophrenia. You know why? Because no one I know is stupid enough to confuse a potentially life destroying mental illness to a passing fancy – or at least that’s what they all seem to think. I don’t understand why this concept is so hard to grasp. Can anyone explain that to me? Eating disorders = mental illnesses. THEREFORE you were not bulimic once. You will not and never have tried bulimia. It is not a dress. You can’t decide you don’t want to wear it anymore and move on. Stop it, of the love of my sanity, stop.
"Many bulimics state that during bingeing they have the feeling that they are undergoing a change of personality: ‘It is as if someone else was bingeing; some strange power forced me to binge; I am continually engaged in a fight against myself; I don’t remember the binge and only after vomiting do I get the feeling that I should wake up again.’" — Trauma, Dissociation, Impulse Dyscontrol in Eating Disorders
I have more to say on eating disorders. Much, much more. But, seeing as everyone I know and the people I come across on the internet seem so un/misinformed in this subject, I don’t want to overload you with too much logic and education in one blog. I’ll take it slow. And maybe, just maybe, when I’m done, people will stop confusing the highest death-rated mental illnesses with a fad.
Also, I apologise for my awkward phrasing in this. It pisses me off too much for me to be able to think and type properly.
*Regardless, dieting, society and that guy who called you fat are all assholes.
a list of things that people say that I hate and my responses to them:
Posted: February 21, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: body mod, body policing, dubstep, feminism, journalism, my chemical romance, tumblr 2 Comments– “I don’t see/What is the point of Tumblr?”
I don’t see/What is the point of you?
– “My Chemical Romance are crap.”
So are you.
– “She should eat a burger.”
You should stfu and stop body policing.
– “She should stop eating burgers.”
You should stfu and stop body policing.
– “OMG LUUK @ DIS DUBSTEP REMIXX!11!”
No. Go die.
– “If you get tattoos and piercings you’ll regret it forever and you’ll never get a job and you’ll be ugly and isolated.”
Firstly, don’t tell me what I’ll regret. Secondly, I’d rather live how I want than live up to anyone else’s expectations so don’t think that your ideals will change mine at all.
– “If you do <this> or don’t do <that> then you are not a feminist.”
SHUT. UP. If you keep telling women how they should and should not act then you are not a feminist. Prick.
– “Being a feminist is sexist.”
Please don’t talk to me.
– “Well, you could always be a journalist.”
Yes, yes I could… if I wanted to spend the rest of my life being miserable and stunted, stuck in a job that I’ve never wanted and have no passion for.
deal with it.
A short list of things that upset me:
Posted: February 17, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bitching, pointless, society, time Leave a comment– Having to get up at a set time.
– Deadlines and appointments.
– Having to venture into the world outside my house.
– Pants.
This is what i feel like doing tomorrow:
at whatever time i decide to.
Because that, gentle ladymen, is what life should be. If you ask me. Or, even if you don’t. Just lazing around in pretty places and chillaxing and having friends and being happy and stuff. I mean, I guess at some point you’d have to work but it should be leisurely work.
You can write it on your arm
You can run away with me
Anytime you want
YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SICK OF?
Posted: February 15, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: hardcore, hypocrisy, sexism Leave a comment
DISCLAIMER: all this being said, I do actually love the hardcore scene to bits.
FIRSTLY, I’M SICK OF GOING TO HARDCORE SHOWS AND BEING TOLD TO GET OUT OF THE PIT BECAUSE I’M A GIRL. WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK? THE WAY I SEE IT IS IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE PIT, YOU SHOULDN’T BE IN IT. THAT’S REGARDLESS OF GENDER OR AGE OR RELIGION OR HAIR CUT. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE OR WHAT’S GOING ON DOWNSTAIRS, IF YOU TELL ME TO GET OUT OF THE PIT I’M GOING TO PUNCH YOU.
SECONDLY, I’m sick of reading hardcore guys blogging about shows, complaining about girls in the pit, being sexist as fuck and then when they get called out on it they flip and are all: “I’M NOT SEXIST BECAUSE I WASN’T SPEAKING GENERALLY, JUST ABOUT THIS ONE SPECIFIC GIRL.” Oh, okay. So, um, why didn’t you use specific terms? Why did you use ‘chicks/bitches/girls’ instead of ‘that one girl’? Why weren’t you complaining about all the bitchy guys in the pit that get annoyed if you ruffle their hair? Also, I’ve been to a fair amount of shows in my life and I have NEVER seen a girl get in a pit and then complain about it. Not to say it doesn’t happen, it probably does but the thing is that you shouldn’t be annoyed because they’re a girl, you should be annoyed because they’re a fucking moron.
THIRDLY, if a girl is in a pit it seems like the only reason she should be there is to be felt up by sleezy, sweaty, hardcore guys. No. No fucking way. Do not tell me to get out of a pit and then GROPE ME if I don’t. Fuck off. YOU GET OUT OF THE PIT. Everyone who wants to be in a pit has a fucking right to be in the pit. Everyone who wants to be in a pit and not get molested has the fucking right to not be molested. IF YOU TOUCH ME I WILL PUNCH YOU. IF YOU COMPLAIN, I WILL TELL YOU TO GET OUT OF THE PIT. Isn’t that the point of your whining? If you can’t handle the pit, GTFO? I thought that was what you’d been preaching. I must’ve been mistaken. It is difficult to hear the words coming out of your mouth when there’s all that shit covering them. To put it simply: if I am in the pit then I’m there for my entertainment, not your’s.
FOURTHLY, isn’t the hardcore scene supposed to be about acceptance? I seem to have some memory of JJ Peters singing “I love my DTD brothers and my edge motherfuckers” so why the fuck won’t the rest of you? It’s just fucked. We should all be at a hardcore show to have a good fucking time and instead there’s all this bullshit elitism going on. Please, for the rest of us, leave your hyperinflated ego at the door because no one really wants to deal with that shit. I don’t care if you’re edge, I don’t care if you’re drunk, I don’t care if you’re a girl or a guy or both or neither, come over here and party with me because it’s a good fucking show and we should all just be mates.
LASTLY, DO NOT WEAR YOUR CAP BACKWARDS IN A MOSH. DO NOT WEAR YOUR LONG HAIR OUT IN A MOSH. DO NOT WEAR HEELS OR STEEL CAPS IN A PIT.
drinking culture and it’s benefits.
Posted: February 14, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: alcohol, drinking culture, teens 4 CommentsUnderage drinking is bad. Binge drinking is bad. You should be drinking to celebrate fullness and not to fill emptiness – but for God’s sake, wait until you’re 18.
Yeah, okay. I totally agree with you. Everyone knows the consequences of alcohol – IT IS EVIL; IT WILL KILL YOU; IT WILL KILL YOUR PARENTS, YOUR CATS; IT WILL BURN DOWN YOUR FACE – but no one really seems to care. Why is that? Why do Australian teens continue to kill brain cells, livers and other Australian teens regardless of all this information? Well, as far as I can tell, BECAUSE WE DON’T CARE.
Now, I can’t speak for every Aussie hedonist here, but I am a regularly binge-drinking teenager and I can talk for myself. I can say that every weekend, I am pumped for a +5 standard drink party. And I think I know why. So, I go to a party. I drink. I drink more. I dance, laugh, possibly play a game of scissors-paper-rock-strip and drink some more. “What’s that you’ve got there? Oh, Passion Pop – sure, I’ll have a sip of that. Goon? Is it Fruity-Lexia/Gordo? It is? Well, go on then, just a bit. Vodka? Rum? Beer? Well, I suppose, just a little. Hold on, where’d you put that bucket? I think my stomach decided to move out.” Someone will always make a disgusting fool of themselves, someone will ruin a relationship, someone will create one and everyone will fall into someone else. The next day is always spent laughing and cringing and feeling a little fragile, ignoring anything that should be getting done.
If there’s no party, I sort of sulk around; I won’t feel quite sure of myself or what I should be doing. Sober on the weekend? WHAT IS THIS? Something must be wrong! If there’s no party, chances are I’m talking to my friends about the last party/the party before that/the next party we should have. If we can scrape together $12.50 then we can get a goonie and the weekend will be saved!
When was the last time I went to a party without alcohol? I can’t remember. Not that I really remember the parties inbetween now and then, but I at least have a vague idea of the joys that have passed. I don’t remember life without WHOO GOONIE! HEY, WHO ARE YOU? LET’S BE FRIENDS. OH, YEAH, I REMEMBER YOU FROM <insert party>, YOU HAD <insert alcohol>. What did we do? How did we make new friends and discover new music? It’s madness to think of a party without copious amounts of alcohol.
Okay, well, this is getting a little out of hand. It’s not to say I can’t have fun without alcohol – I definitely can. The thing is, though, that I don’t want to. Dancing, meeting new people, making new memories – everything comes better with a few drinks in me. It’s just so easy, so damn easy, to be a funny, confident, happy-go-lucky, fearless BAMF with a bottle of Malibu in my hand. My closest friends come bundled with a hundred drinking memories that are the foundation of my teenage life and at the moment, if I’m being honest, I probably wouldn’t give them up for my liver.
As I see it, my social life revolves around the amount of alcohol I can consume in a single night. It’s an excuse to do whatever I want. Do you remember what you said to <insert other partier>? Oh my god, when you fell into that bush! <insert embarrassing quote>. Well, yes, I do. But you know what else I remember? I had a bottle of PP to myself, 2 x Smirnoff Ice, a Carlton Draught, a few shots of this, that, the other, whatever that blue stuff was and a JD and coke. There, easy, anything bad that anyone’s done is just washed away. And it doesn’t matter how badly you fuck up because the next weekend someone will embarrass themselves just as much, if not more. Plus, we’re all friends here and no one really cares.
Where does this love of drinking come from? Why do we do it? Everyone likes to say society or peer pressure or lack of education. But, from where I sit, the majority of society is telling us about the dangers of drinking and our schools are telling us about the dangers of drinking and our peers are pretty decent examples of the dangers of drinking , so those answers don’t hold up so well in my court. We spend money that we don’t have on alcohol. We skulk around waiting for someone generous to go and illegally buy us alcohol. We send out scouts to find somewhere safe to consume our illegally bought alcohol. Then, we sit around listening to hip-hop and hardcore and dance music with lyrics that revolve around drinking and partying and we drink and we party and we goddamn enjoy ourselves.
Right there, folks, is the simple answer to all this. It’s Ockham’s razor answer that no one really wants to admit to. We drink, we drink a lot and often, because it’s a basket load of fun every-single-time (and if it isn’t, it will be by the time we’re reminiscing about it the next morning).
So, now that that’s all out in the open – here is my brief ‘this pisses me off’ part of this blog. I am sick to fucking death of being judged for this. I’m sick of people looking down on myself and my friends because we party hard. I’ve got no room in my life for people looking down on me, judging me, putting me down because of the choices I make. You know why? Because it’s not your goddamn life – it’s mine. If I want to drink three Jagerbombs like boomboomboom and stumble around someone’s house then I motherfucking will and none of your snide comments and dirty looks will change that. None of your statistics and logical questions and medical proof will sway me from taking another shot so why are you wasting your time on a hopeless case like me? When I decide to toe the straight and narrow, I’ll be a different person. Right now I don’t give a flying fuck you’ve got to say. I am an idiotic, irreverent teenager and nothing you tell me I should be will change that. Now, pass me the Bundy and –
STFU OR GTFO
